A secretary's prayer

Dear Lord,

help me to do my work well, to have the memory of an elephant, and by some miracle to be able to do five things at once, answer four telephones while typing a letter that 'must go out today' when the letter doesn't get signed until tomorrow. Please give me the self-discipline to keep my mouth shut.

And Lord, never let me lose patience, even when the boss has me searching the files for hours for data that is later discovered on his desk.

Help me to have the informational background of a college professor although I didn't get quite that far.

Help me to understand and carry out all instructions to perfection without any explanation.

Let me always know exactly where my boss is, what he is doing, and when he will be back, even though he never tells me these things when he leaves.

And Lord, when the year ends, please give me the foresight not to throw out records that will be asked for in a few days, even though I was told emphatically, "Destroy these. They clutter up the place."

Amen.

A secretary's complaint R(A)

A secretary complained about her boss....

She says "My boss is so sex-crazed. Every time he comes into the office,I must do the LAPTOP position, and then the DESKTOP position, followed by the SPREADSHEET format.

I must LOAD UP his SOFT DISK into a HARD DISK, so that he can INSERT in my C DRIVE and then the A DRIVE.

Then he'll ask me to EJECT his SOFTWARE outside my C DRIVE so that he is VIRUS FREE.

Then he changes his mind and decide to ENTER, ENTER, ENTER the whole day till he is in MICROSOFT stage.

Once I tried to Esc(escape) but he caught me and SHIFTed me to his HOME where he started pressing @BACKSPACE, and saying "TURNOVER today" ..many a times he works without CAPS LOCK (without "cap" or helmet) and some times as an ALTernative he CRASHES @my SYSTEM until he looses his CTRL (control) and again he LOGS IN.. this process may continue until I SHUT DOWN his main SYSTEM......

Ugh...Sugar and nice

All these sugar and nice postings is making me sick....

Now for the naughty ones.....

The Story of Rose

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know.  I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.  I turned around to find a wrinkled little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose.  I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

Why are you in college at such a young and innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel".

"No, seriously," I asked.  I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.  We became instant friends.  Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop.  I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of our 4 years, Rose became a campus icon and easily made friends wherever she went.  She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students.  She was living it up in every respect.  At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. Usually we had a famous player or known professional as our "feature", but as more or less of a joke, we decided to invite Rose in to speak to us that evening...

She was introduced and stepped up to the podium.  As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her 3 X 5 cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed, she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery.  I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech in order, so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began:

"We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing!

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success.  You have to laugh and find humor every day.  You've got to have a dream.  When you lose your dreams, you die.  We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't know it.

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.  If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old.  If I am ninety years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn ninety-one. Anybody can grow older.  That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change.

Have no regrets.  The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do.  The only people who fear death are those with regrets!"

She concluded her speech by courageously singing, "The Rose".

She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation, Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

Hope your life has a little Rose in it also...

Memo from GOD

To: YOU
Date: TODAY
From: THE BOSS
Subject: YOURSELF
Reference: LIFE

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help.

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.

Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it.  Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend;  Think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Love And Life

A story..enjoy!!


My husband is an engineer by profession, I love him for his steady-being nature, and I love the warm feeling while leaning against his broad shoulder.

Three years in the courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit,I am getting tired of it, the reasons of me loving him before has now transform into the cause of all the restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive and exquisite when it comes to relationship and feelings, I yearn for romantic moments, as though a little boy yearning for candy.

And my husband, is just a contrast of me, his lack of sensitivity, and of all, inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I want a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shockingly.

"I am tired, there aren't reasons for everything in the world" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemed to be in deep thoughts the whole night with a cigarette lighted all the time.

My feeling of disappointment is getting intense, a man who can't even express his detainment, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked, " What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes, I slowly answered, "Here is a question, if you can find the answer in my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I love a flower at a mountain cliff, and we are both sure that making you pick the flower will cause death, will you do it for me?"

He said, " I will give you your answer tomorrow...."

My heart just sank by listening to his respond.

The next morning, he was not around, and I saw a piece of paper with his scratching writing, underneath a glass of warm milk, It goes....


Dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to further explain the reasons" .

This first line had already broken my heart. I continued reading.

"You can only type with computer and always mess up the programs in the PC, and cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help restore the programs.

You always leave the house key behind, I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to lead you the way.

You always have the cramp whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palm so that I can calm the cramps at your tummy.

You like to stay indoor, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computers, and that do no good to your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow older, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

I will hold your hand, stroll down the beach, enjoying the sunshine and the beautiful sands... tell you the colour of flowers, just like the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, I am sure there are someone who loves you more than I do... I would not pick the flower, and die.. "

My tears dropped on the letters, and blurred the ink of his hand writing... and I resumed my reading...

"And now, dear... you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied with these answers, please open the door of our house, I am standing there, with your favorite bread and fresh milk...


I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, with his hand holding tight on the milk and bread.... My husband is an engineer by profession, I love him for his steady-being nature, and I love the warm feeling while leaning against his broad
shoulder.


Oh I am sure no one ever love me as much, and now I have decided to leave the flower alone...


That's life, or some said, love, when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tend to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.


Love shows in any form, even a very little and corny form, it has never been a model, it could be the most incurious form... flowers, romantic moments is only the buckish formed on the surface of the relationship.


Under all this, the pillar of truelove stands... and that's our life...
I hope everyone enjoy reading it... love, but not words win the arguments...

Just realised that it has been more than 2 1/2 years since I last posted on this blog.

God, where did the those years go.....?

Seem just like last month.....

William Blake

"To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour."

Insults 101 (2)

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

At least there're one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!

Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing

Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.

He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

He has a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!

You are a man of the world -- and you know what sad shape the world is in.

He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.

He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!

He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

How come you're here? I thought the zoo was closed at night!

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

How much refund do you expect on your head -- Now that it's EMPTY.

How would you like to feel the way you look?

Insults 101 (1)

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Let's face it. Some days you're the bug and some days you're the windshield.

A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

The very fact of doubting my own existence establishes it.
It is self evident and requires no further proof.
But all else is open to doubt.

I think therefore I am, and I am therefore I think.
That is the beginning and the end of the matter.

I learned a valuable concept from a cat - the idea of company, quiet, undemanding presence, simply existing in a room together, each knowing that the other is there.

Thomas Man wrote:
"When two people do the same thing, it is no longer the same thing."

A vet once told me that dogs experience time continously, without distinguishing between days.Their lives were one long, uninterrupted day that never end until it ended.

A child asked her father,"What happens when one dies?"

The father said that when you die, it's like going away on vacation, but you never come back.

"Where do you go then?" the child asked.

The father said,"You go to a place with nice people and you get to eat whatever you want and stay up as late as you want."

Nietzsche wrote:
"The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort,
a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night."