Thursday, May 16, 2002

Insults 101 (2)

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

I'd like to kick you in the teeth, but why should I improve your looks?

At least there're one thing good about your body. It isn't as ugly as your face!

Brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case they're nothing

Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

If I had a face like yours. I'd sue my parents!

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

Fellows like you don't grow from trees; they swing from them.

He has a mechanical mind. Too bad he forgot to wind it up this morning.

He has a mind like a steel trap -- always closed!

You are a man of the world -- and you know what sad shape the world is in.

He is always lost in thought -- it's unfamiliar territory.

He is dark and handsome. When it's dark, he's handsome.

He is known as a miracle comic. if he's funny, it's a miracle!

He is listed in Who's Who as What's That?

He is living proof that man can live without a brain!

He is so short, when it rains he is always the last one to know.

He is the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.

How come you're here? I thought the zoo was closed at night!

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

How much refund do you expect on your head -- Now that it's EMPTY.

How would you like to feel the way you look?

Insults 101 (1)

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"

My Reality Check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

Let's face it. Some days you're the bug and some days you're the windshield.

A guy with your IQ should have a low voice too!

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental!

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?